If I remember correctly, I lived in NJ for almost all of 2007. I made 4-6 trips back to Florida during that year because I still had work responsibilities I was overseeing in Florida that required me to check in on things.
During the times I was in Florida, I started visiting a church that two of my dear friends also attended. I don't know that I would have gone there on my own if they hadn't been there - it was a 40-45 minute drive from where I was currently living. But I was desperately feeling the need to connect with friends, and the long battle with illness had left my energy depleted.
Have you ever considered the amount of energy it takes to develop a friendship? And to maintain it? I found a lot of my friendships slipping to the wayside during my illness because I lacked the energy to spend on them. And I was dealing with serious depression and an inability to focus, coupled with headaches... well, it didn't make me the greatest person to be around and I didn't really want to be around people too much because it sapped me of my very limited energy. Compound that over 5 years and... well, you get the picture.
Back to the story. I was starting to feel better and hope had been restored to me (which did wonders for my mental well-being). I figured I would be moving back to Florida at some point, when I no longer had to see my doctor as frequently. And I was hoping to find a church that preached unashamedly from the Bible.
I was visiting the church in Florida sometime in September of 2007 (I had been diagnosed at the end of July and had started to see noticeable improvements in my health by this point). After the service, I was talking with some friends and was introduced to Daniel by his brother (who I met at VSO camp that summer - I'll have to write a whole other series of posts on camp!). I don't even remember what we talked about at that point.
I do remember talking with a few friends who had inquired about my health, and I told them about my diagnosis and how I was finally starting to feel better, that I felt almost like I had been in a mental coma over the past years and that I was waking up from this cloud that had enveloped me. I remember being so enthusiastic, so excited that it seemed like I was finally getting my life back - the life that I had given up on ever having again.
Daniel was there as I was talking, even though he doesn't remember the conversation now. I ended up going out for lunch with him, his family and a few other friends.
I flew back to NJ that week and... Daniel and I became friends on Facebook. Such a huge deal, I know :-) It kept us in touch, and we talked about playing racquetball when I was back in Florida again. I had played a little tennis when I was 14. Not well. Never racquetball.
But when I was back in Florida in November, we played racquetball along with his brother, Jacob, and our friend Aaron. Those of you who don't know Daniel should know that he is an extremely talented athlete and he works in recreation. He showed me the basics of racquetball, but it didn't help much. I managed to unintentionally hit all 3 of them in the head with the ball during the course of the game(s). Thankfully, "good racquetball player" wasn't on Daniel's list of requirements for a wife.
So we hung out a few times after that and we started officially dating before I went back to NJ for the December poinsettia rush. We spent a lot of time on the phone while I was up there, getting to know each other, and I moved back to Florida right before Christmas.
Well, that's enough for now. Not much about my battle with Lyme disease, but way more enjoyable to reminisce about! We'll get back to that in the next post.
Thanks for all your comments and encouragement!
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Monday, March 7, 2011
Merging Two Lives
One of the things I get from my mother is the desire to start & complete a project in the same day, no matter how big it is... for fear that if we stop working on it, we'll never start again. Inevitably, we push ourselves to exhaustion and subconsciously program ourselves to not want to start that project again - because we were so exhausted by it the last time!
I'm thankful to be living with Daniel, with his much more logical male brain. I was a little surprised on Saturday when he came home from working a 9+ hour day and was ready to do some yard work. When I look at the yard full of leaves and bushes that need trimming and plants that need to be planted and others replanted... and compost that needs to be spread and twigs that need to be picked up... I see the whole job, and I wonder how in the world will we ever find the time to take care of this mess?
The same way you eat an elephant - one bite at a time... We put in a good hour of yard work, made a nice dent in the mountains of leaves that threaten to overtake our sidewalk and driveway. And then we went inside and relaxed a bit.
It feels that way when I look at the inside of our house also.
My stuff + his stuff + wedding presents = not enough space in our house
We are gradually wading through the items we have (when I say we - it's mostly me because I have the most stuff), deciding what is non-essential and getting rid of it in favor of having space to live in. It's so easy to hold onto items because of various attachments we have to them
- memories associated with the location we purchased it
- the person who gave it to us
- how long we've had it for
- or maybe it's that favorite zip up red sweatshirt I have that the color is fading and there are holes starting in the sleeves and I can't bear to give it away, but I also find myself hesitant to wear it because it makes me look slightly homeless (can you look slightly homeless?)
I don't want to be so attached to my stuff that it takes away from living my life. I don't want to have a home filled with items, making it difficult to keep the house clean and to have people over, to be unable to find what I know I have (possibly have at least 2 of) so I need to go out and buy another one... cluttering things up even more. I don't want to accumulate physical things. They're all so temporary. I want to live with what's essential and to be as loosely tied to this world as possible.
It forces me to approach shopping in a different way. I enjoy shopping and purchasing new items and imagining the possibilities that go along with the new items. I know that sounds a little cheesy, but if I'm honest with myself that's what I do. I see a cute shirt and think how nice it'll look on me (even though I already have plenty of nice shirts). Or there's a new pan or kitchen gadget that will help me prepare something new and different to eat (even though I could probably make it with what I already own). I remember when my cousin Beth bought a Jeep and said she was so excited about getting it, thinking - this will be great, we'll go off-roading and camping and all sort of fun outdoors stuff. With a shake of her head she said - no, it's not true. It doesn't matter what you buy - you're still the same person.
I try to remember to ask myself some questions when I'm shopping. Do I really need this? Do I have something already that can perform this task for me? Do I have space to keep this (that answer is almost always no right now!)? Is there something I can bear to part with to make the space to have this?
Looking in my closets, you wouldn't think that I wrote this blog. Most of them are a scattered mess... but we're getting there... gradually.
I'm thankful to be living with Daniel, with his much more logical male brain. I was a little surprised on Saturday when he came home from working a 9+ hour day and was ready to do some yard work. When I look at the yard full of leaves and bushes that need trimming and plants that need to be planted and others replanted... and compost that needs to be spread and twigs that need to be picked up... I see the whole job, and I wonder how in the world will we ever find the time to take care of this mess?
The same way you eat an elephant - one bite at a time... We put in a good hour of yard work, made a nice dent in the mountains of leaves that threaten to overtake our sidewalk and driveway. And then we went inside and relaxed a bit.
It feels that way when I look at the inside of our house also.
My stuff + his stuff + wedding presents = not enough space in our house
We are gradually wading through the items we have (when I say we - it's mostly me because I have the most stuff), deciding what is non-essential and getting rid of it in favor of having space to live in. It's so easy to hold onto items because of various attachments we have to them
- memories associated with the location we purchased it
- the person who gave it to us
- how long we've had it for
- or maybe it's that favorite zip up red sweatshirt I have that the color is fading and there are holes starting in the sleeves and I can't bear to give it away, but I also find myself hesitant to wear it because it makes me look slightly homeless (can you look slightly homeless?)
I don't want to be so attached to my stuff that it takes away from living my life. I don't want to have a home filled with items, making it difficult to keep the house clean and to have people over, to be unable to find what I know I have (possibly have at least 2 of) so I need to go out and buy another one... cluttering things up even more. I don't want to accumulate physical things. They're all so temporary. I want to live with what's essential and to be as loosely tied to this world as possible.
It forces me to approach shopping in a different way. I enjoy shopping and purchasing new items and imagining the possibilities that go along with the new items. I know that sounds a little cheesy, but if I'm honest with myself that's what I do. I see a cute shirt and think how nice it'll look on me (even though I already have plenty of nice shirts). Or there's a new pan or kitchen gadget that will help me prepare something new and different to eat (even though I could probably make it with what I already own). I remember when my cousin Beth bought a Jeep and said she was so excited about getting it, thinking - this will be great, we'll go off-roading and camping and all sort of fun outdoors stuff. With a shake of her head she said - no, it's not true. It doesn't matter what you buy - you're still the same person.
I try to remember to ask myself some questions when I'm shopping. Do I really need this? Do I have something already that can perform this task for me? Do I have space to keep this (that answer is almost always no right now!)? Is there something I can bear to part with to make the space to have this?
Looking in my closets, you wouldn't think that I wrote this blog. Most of them are a scattered mess... but we're getting there... gradually.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
On Changing My Name - Phase #2
After the trip to the Social Security Office, it's been fairly smooth sailing.
One trip to the Tag Agency (aka DMV for the non-Floridians) for a new license. Done.
I went after work, and the wait was over an hour. So I got my ticket, went home (I live conveniently close by), put in the chicken for dinner, went back and waited for about 15 minutes til my number was called. Not too shabby. I even got a nice guy that asked if I wanted to update my voter registration at the same time... 2 birds with 1 stone.
I was hoping that they would take a new picture of me for the license, even though I just had it updated within the last year. The reason I had to have it updated... argh, it makes me angry to think about it. Long story short, I needed to have the corrective lenses restriction removed from my license (because I had Lasik!!...5 years ago - oops, slight oversight). Unfortunately, the whole incedent also required 2 court cases to get my CRIMINAL charge dropped because of the ticket (okay - not really a ticket. I couldn't just pay a fine and get out of it. I had to go to court) I got because I was driving without my (unnecessary) corrective lenses. Needless to say, my driver's license picture that day looked like one of the pictures they air on the news when someone has committed an awful crime, and they look for the worst, meanest looking picture possible of you to show to the condemning public.
My new picture is much nicer - no uni-bomber or child-killer picture for me.
Credit cards are way easier to do - just a phone call or a secure email does the trick.
A trip to my bank with my marriage licenses will take care of them.
And then it's all of the other random places I'll forget that I need to change my name at. I guess I'll figure out what they are as time goes by.
Next stops - combined insurance? combined bank account? budgeting???
Oh, and I really need to practice signing my new name - I'm having a hard time getting all the letters in there!
One trip to the Tag Agency (aka DMV for the non-Floridians) for a new license. Done.
I went after work, and the wait was over an hour. So I got my ticket, went home (I live conveniently close by), put in the chicken for dinner, went back and waited for about 15 minutes til my number was called. Not too shabby. I even got a nice guy that asked if I wanted to update my voter registration at the same time... 2 birds with 1 stone.
I was hoping that they would take a new picture of me for the license, even though I just had it updated within the last year. The reason I had to have it updated... argh, it makes me angry to think about it. Long story short, I needed to have the corrective lenses restriction removed from my license (because I had Lasik!!...5 years ago - oops, slight oversight). Unfortunately, the whole incedent also required 2 court cases to get my CRIMINAL charge dropped because of the ticket (okay - not really a ticket. I couldn't just pay a fine and get out of it. I had to go to court) I got because I was driving without my (unnecessary) corrective lenses. Needless to say, my driver's license picture that day looked like one of the pictures they air on the news when someone has committed an awful crime, and they look for the worst, meanest looking picture possible of you to show to the condemning public.
My new picture is much nicer - no uni-bomber or child-killer picture for me.
Credit cards are way easier to do - just a phone call or a secure email does the trick.
A trip to my bank with my marriage licenses will take care of them.
And then it's all of the other random places I'll forget that I need to change my name at. I guess I'll figure out what they are as time goes by.
Next stops - combined insurance? combined bank account? budgeting???
Oh, and I really need to practice signing my new name - I'm having a hard time getting all the letters in there!
Friday, February 25, 2011
On Changing My Name - Phase #1
I had always planned on changing my name when I got married - but it's another thing when you actually need to do it. I got over the weirdness of the fact that my name that I've had for 30 years will now be different, that I have to practice writing out my new last name because it has way more letters than my old name, and because it feels so unfamiliar to me!
But then there's the fact of the places you need to go to change your name. It would be nice if it was automatically done for you everywhere. I thought about using one of the online name change services, but my wise husband questioned the wisdom of putting all sorts of personal information into a questionably secure website on the internet. So I am going about it the old-fashioned way - paper, office visits and phone calls.
Yesterday, I made my first trip to the Social Security office. It's a good 45 minutes away from me (and they close at 3:30 - how exasperating!) but I was able to combine it with a work errand and make myself feel a little better about the long drive.
I was concerned when I arrived there at 3:15 if they would still process everything before they closed, but relieved to find out they issue the last number ticket at 3:30, but stay until 5 pm to finish up all the people there. And boy was it crowded! It was difficult to find a seat, but I found one. And I waited. The overhead speakers announced new numbers for service every minute or so - and it was obnoxiously loud, but I was thankful that they were moving people through rather quickly. One hour later (and 71 pages read in the book I brought with me) it was my turn.
I was most nervous that I didn't have everything with me that I needed to change my name and that I would need to make another trip back to finish everything (coupled with another long wait). But I was prepared, and 10 minutes later I had my new name!
Now it's on to a new license, updating bank accounts and credit cards...
And I still have a zillion thank you notes to write...
And the house is still fairly unorganized...
And our yard is an eyesore...
But we have much to be thankful for!
But then there's the fact of the places you need to go to change your name. It would be nice if it was automatically done for you everywhere. I thought about using one of the online name change services, but my wise husband questioned the wisdom of putting all sorts of personal information into a questionably secure website on the internet. So I am going about it the old-fashioned way - paper, office visits and phone calls.
Yesterday, I made my first trip to the Social Security office. It's a good 45 minutes away from me (and they close at 3:30 - how exasperating!) but I was able to combine it with a work errand and make myself feel a little better about the long drive.
I was concerned when I arrived there at 3:15 if they would still process everything before they closed, but relieved to find out they issue the last number ticket at 3:30, but stay until 5 pm to finish up all the people there. And boy was it crowded! It was difficult to find a seat, but I found one. And I waited. The overhead speakers announced new numbers for service every minute or so - and it was obnoxiously loud, but I was thankful that they were moving people through rather quickly. One hour later (and 71 pages read in the book I brought with me) it was my turn.
I was most nervous that I didn't have everything with me that I needed to change my name and that I would need to make another trip back to finish everything (coupled with another long wait). But I was prepared, and 10 minutes later I had my new name!
Now it's on to a new license, updating bank accounts and credit cards...
And I still have a zillion thank you notes to write...
And the house is still fairly unorganized...
And our yard is an eyesore...
But we have much to be thankful for!
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
On Being Married
I like it.
A lot of it is the little things that make it so great.
We no longer have to drive 20-25 minutes to be able to spend a few hours together, before returning to our single lives. I get to see him every night.
It's nice to have someone to snuggle with.
It's great to actually cook and eat the food that you buy at the grocery store - because you're home every night instead of grabbing something quick while you're on your way somewhere.
It's nice to have a good reason to stay home for the night, other than "I feel lazy".
It's nice to have a roommate. My house had been feeling kind of lonely with just me in it.
It's so much easier to plan going places and hanging out with friends, when we're both at the same location - no figuring out whose house we're going to meet at (or just meet at whatever location we're going to).
It's fun to host parties together - I'm so thankful for a man who is observant, conscientious and helpful (and a good cook!) when it comes to things around the house.
I feel settled and at home with Daniel. Even though I've been living in the house for a year and a half, it hasn't felt complete until now.
I like having someone to do things for. I'm not as motivated when it's just me. I tend to clean up after myself a little better, cook more... and I'm trying to start exercising regularly again! I'm thankful to have a man that is concerned for my well-being and wants me to be healthy - but loves me just as I am.
I am blessed by God to have such a great husband to share this life with.
A lot of it is the little things that make it so great.
We no longer have to drive 20-25 minutes to be able to spend a few hours together, before returning to our single lives. I get to see him every night.
It's nice to have someone to snuggle with.
It's great to actually cook and eat the food that you buy at the grocery store - because you're home every night instead of grabbing something quick while you're on your way somewhere.
It's nice to have a good reason to stay home for the night, other than "I feel lazy".
It's nice to have a roommate. My house had been feeling kind of lonely with just me in it.
It's so much easier to plan going places and hanging out with friends, when we're both at the same location - no figuring out whose house we're going to meet at (or just meet at whatever location we're going to).
It's fun to host parties together - I'm so thankful for a man who is observant, conscientious and helpful (and a good cook!) when it comes to things around the house.
I feel settled and at home with Daniel. Even though I've been living in the house for a year and a half, it hasn't felt complete until now.
I like having someone to do things for. I'm not as motivated when it's just me. I tend to clean up after myself a little better, cook more... and I'm trying to start exercising regularly again! I'm thankful to have a man that is concerned for my well-being and wants me to be healthy - but loves me just as I am.
I am blessed by God to have such a great husband to share this life with.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Fears and Worries
What a whirlwind of feelings and emotions I am dealing with.
I am to be married in a week's time from tomorrow. I have waited for this day for so long and cannot wait to be with my love everyday. I hate saying goodbye, I hate not seeing him for a day or two or three.
But I'm also afraid. I'm afraid of being faced with my own selfishness, of having someone always around to see each and everyone of my faults that are so easy to cover up when I am living alone. I'm afraid of having to face my own sin that I have constructed blinders to ignore. From what I've read and come to understand, marriage is rich with blessings... and some of those blessings are hard blessings - sanctification. It is the closest relationship on earth, and by nature it will force us to confront sin in our own lives (that is, if we hope to have a healthy marriage). Are we up to it? I pray to God we are.
These steps we are taking are tremendous steps and they are driving me to prayer more and more. I have experienced stagnation in my prayer life over the past years - largely I think due to the "control" I feel I have over my own, single life. The more I keep outside influences and people at bay, the less there is I feel that is outside my realm of control, a false sense of control albeit.
I thought my dog, Heidi was going to die yesterday. She took a new medicine and I think it caused an extremely adverse reaction. I felt that I spent most of yesterday on a death watch. Thank the Lord, she's doing better today.
I think I'm so attached to her because she was there with me through my darkest times of my health struggle. I've had her for over 8 years. She can be a nightmare at times - barking, jumping on people, making messes - but she was there with me when all I could do was sleep day after day, when I had no energy to work or go places or even prepare meals for myself. I remember one day when I was laying on the sofa watching tv and she climbed up on the other end of the sofa, laid down and started inching her way towards my head until she got right next to me and just laid there with me. This was when she was still crazy hyper (thankfully, she's calmed down a bit in her older years) and would hardly sit still for a moment, but she did to comfort me.
While I was dealing with all of that yesterday, I kept thinking to myself - how in the world will I manage, if the Lord blesses us with children, when they get sick? I felt like I could hardly function yesterday. I couldn't focus on anything, hardly got anything done, and I was so worried about Heidi. How much more difficult will it be with my kids? Talk about being driven to my knees in prayer... how do parents do it?
As it is, I worry a lot. And in comparison, it's about stupid stuff. I could have a field day when it comes to my family. Oh, to trust my burdens to the Lord...
One week, and I will be a wife. I am so excited for this new journey in life, and so scared about the new trials I am to encounter. May the Lord find me faithful.
I am to be married in a week's time from tomorrow. I have waited for this day for so long and cannot wait to be with my love everyday. I hate saying goodbye, I hate not seeing him for a day or two or three.
But I'm also afraid. I'm afraid of being faced with my own selfishness, of having someone always around to see each and everyone of my faults that are so easy to cover up when I am living alone. I'm afraid of having to face my own sin that I have constructed blinders to ignore. From what I've read and come to understand, marriage is rich with blessings... and some of those blessings are hard blessings - sanctification. It is the closest relationship on earth, and by nature it will force us to confront sin in our own lives (that is, if we hope to have a healthy marriage). Are we up to it? I pray to God we are.
These steps we are taking are tremendous steps and they are driving me to prayer more and more. I have experienced stagnation in my prayer life over the past years - largely I think due to the "control" I feel I have over my own, single life. The more I keep outside influences and people at bay, the less there is I feel that is outside my realm of control, a false sense of control albeit.
I thought my dog, Heidi was going to die yesterday. She took a new medicine and I think it caused an extremely adverse reaction. I felt that I spent most of yesterday on a death watch. Thank the Lord, she's doing better today.
I think I'm so attached to her because she was there with me through my darkest times of my health struggle. I've had her for over 8 years. She can be a nightmare at times - barking, jumping on people, making messes - but she was there with me when all I could do was sleep day after day, when I had no energy to work or go places or even prepare meals for myself. I remember one day when I was laying on the sofa watching tv and she climbed up on the other end of the sofa, laid down and started inching her way towards my head until she got right next to me and just laid there with me. This was when she was still crazy hyper (thankfully, she's calmed down a bit in her older years) and would hardly sit still for a moment, but she did to comfort me.
While I was dealing with all of that yesterday, I kept thinking to myself - how in the world will I manage, if the Lord blesses us with children, when they get sick? I felt like I could hardly function yesterday. I couldn't focus on anything, hardly got anything done, and I was so worried about Heidi. How much more difficult will it be with my kids? Talk about being driven to my knees in prayer... how do parents do it?
As it is, I worry a lot. And in comparison, it's about stupid stuff. I could have a field day when it comes to my family. Oh, to trust my burdens to the Lord...
One week, and I will be a wife. I am so excited for this new journey in life, and so scared about the new trials I am to encounter. May the Lord find me faithful.
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