Using the wrong instructions

How many of you have put together furniture before? For those of you who have, it is often a frustrating experience. Take for example, a desk or a bookshelf from one of the office chain stores. The instructions usually consist of "connect side A to side B using the 5/8" screws and 1/8" wooden dowels". You need to determine what is what, first of all. Where is side A? Side C and side D look exactly the same. Which direction is the right way up? And then you realize you've put something together incorrectly - maybe you're almost done and things just aren't adding up. So you've got to go back and take it all apart and start over again. And IKEA instructions? There usually aren't even any words! Just pictures, showing how the piece of furniture goes together - good luck figuring it out on your own!

http://johnnyholland.org/2011/06/learning-styles-the-cognitive-side-of-content/

Sometimes you get it on the first try. Sometimes pieces of that furniture may end up broken before they ever reach their fully assembled state. And that's when you're using the correct instructions!!

What if you were using the wrong instructions? What if you had the instructions to set up a king size bed and you were putting together a crib? That's a ridiculous question, I know. At that point, you wouldn't even bother trying to use the wrong instructions. You'd just make your best guess (or use the internet and pull up a handy dandy PDF document of the instructions - but lets pretend that can't happen right now).

I came to a realization when I was reading my Bible this morning. I have spent a good portion of the last 10 years living my life according to the wrong instructions. What do I mean by that?

1. I am a Christian, a believer, a child of God, born again... there are so many different ways to say it. But that's who I am. God has given me a new heart, a heart that can please and follow Him. It's a heart that is pure and rejoices in good, delights in service and finds its greatest joy when it is seeking God's glory.
 

   Ezekiel 36:26-27

   ²⁶ And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And 

   I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. 

   ²⁷  And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes

   and be careful to obey my rules.

2. Those who have not been awakened by God, those who still have a heart of stone, do not delight in what is good. It is not a heart that is most fulfilled when it seeks God's glory. Rather, its desire is for itself - for its preservation, for its comfort, for its ultimate well-being. This is where a majority of all humankind is, many Christians included. This is where I have spent much of my time in the past years.

So what's the big deal? I have a new heart, paid for at the very expensive price of Christ's sacrifice for my sins. I have been living by the old instructions, per say, that came with my old heart, my heart of stone. When I seek first my comfort and my own well-being, I'm not living according to the instructions that came with my new heart. I'm using the old ones - the wrong ones. As frustrating as it is to imagine putting furniture together with the wrong instructions, how frustrating has it been trying to live your life according to the wrong instructions?

If you are a believer and you are seeking what is best for you first, you are going to be frustrated, unsatisfied, unfulfilled and ultimately miserable. You may be able to distract yourself from that reality if you stay busy enough, work enough, set difficult goals, or keep yourself entertained with television, movies, the internet, smartphones that enable us never to have a quiet moment if we don't want one.

When God gave me a new heart, He gave me new life with it. Because I have that new life, the old life will no longer please me - not lasting pleasure anyway... It may be temporary, but the pleasures of this world are deceitful. They last for only a time, and they end up taking more than they give you.

^{Ephesians 5:17-24}

¹⁷ Now this I say and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds. ¹⁸ They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart. ¹⁹ They have become callous and have given themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity. ²⁰ But that is not the way you learned Christ!— ²¹ assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, ²² to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, ²³ and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, ²⁴ and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.

 The heart of flesh that God has given me, my new and awakened heart is designed to function according to God's instructions. Where do we find them? The Bible. What's the best summary of God's instructions? Jesus tells us in the book of Matthew:

^{Matthew 22:36-39}

³⁶ “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” ³⁷ And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. ³⁸ This is the great and first commandment. ³⁹ And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.

There isn't a third commandment listed about loving yourself. Why? That's what we're fighting against doing. That is what our old heart tells us to do - look out for yourself first. No one else will. 

 Oh boy. I've already written a lot here. How many of your attention spans lasted this far? I try to keep things short so I don't overload you... but I think I need to blog a little more often if I'm going to accomplish that goal.

For those of you who aren't Christians (thanks for sticking with me this far) - maybe you don't understand what the big deal about having a new heart is? Maybe your life looks a whole lot better than some of the Christians you know. I have a number of friends who are not Christians who put me to shame with their discipline, generosity, and kindness. What do they need a new heart for if they're already doing so well on their own?

     Lord willing, I'll continue on that thought with my next post...

Lent

I've never given up anything for Lent before. I can't remember what my reasons were in the past, but I decided to do something this year.

I never really had a favorite holiday growing up (it doesn't help that Christmas & Easter have always been associated with looong hours at work in the family flower business). But a year or two after I moved to Florida, I attended a Maundy Thursday service at the Baptist church we were attending... basically, it's like a Good Friday service. I don't remember what was different about that service for me - but I still remember being strongly convicted about the sinfulness of my own heart and the suffering that Christ endured to make my salvation possible.

And I remember after mourning my sin and the death and brokenness of Jesus... how joyous it was Sunday morning to go to church and celebrate the Resurrection of Christ on Easter Sunday. It was from that point that Good Friday and Easter became my favorite holidays.

If you're unfamiliar with it, Lent is the 40 days before Easter, mirroring Jesus' 40 day fast in the wilderness. It's not something that I grew up observing. It's always seemed a big part of the Catholic Church to me (especially growing up in Northern NJ).

I don't know when I started thinking differently about it, but I guess I've heard different friends over the past few years talking about Lent and what they were going to give up for Lent. (The deli in our hometown sold a lot of fish on Fridays during Lent... or was that all year round? I'm still confused on the matter).

The idea of giving something up is supposed to have different benefits for your spiritual life. When fasting from something, it serves as a reminder to you every time you think about eating that food... why you are abstaining. It reminds you of Jesus' own fast, of His journey to Calvary and His sacrifice there.

My attempt is to give up candy and to cut back my sugar intake significantly. This is fairly difficult for me, as I already eat gluten-free (I can't eat anything with wheat, rye or barley in it). I also eat limited amounts of dairy. So this leaves me with very few indulgences, and I have come to look forward to my little sugary snacks... and way too much sugar in my morning coffee.

It's something that is beneficial for me, and I'm thankful that I have the accountability of Lent as I do this. I think I realized today that the rough week I've been having health-wise (muscle aches, headache, fatigue) could possibly be sugar withdrawal... or maybe not. I have enough other stuff wrong with me that it could be something else (because I don't think I ate that much sugar... but I do find myself wanting it frequently...maybe I'm self-deceived).

I'm also thankful for the gift that my friend Jill sent. Check out this link for a picture of the gift (a wooden marker for the 40 days of Lent) and a great post on Lent at A Holy Experience. I'm thankful for the author's openness and honesty on the matter of fasting during Lent... and how she continues to fail. Giving something up for Lent is not to work towards salvation... as we cannot do anything to earn or keep our salvation.

If anything, striving for holiness and discipline in our lives will constantly remind us of how desperately we need our Savior, as we fail again and again. But that's the point. That's why the Law was given, according to Romans. Not to provide a way of salvation to mankind, but to show mankind that they could never ever fulfill the Law - no matter how hard they tried... even if they could get their outward actions to line up with the Law, their hearts were still desperately wicked.  The Law was never meant to save - but to point us to the One who could save us.

Teaching about Jesus' Burial to 2-4 year olds

 I love kids. I find them generous with their love and forgiveness and highly entertaining. I feel like every week they do or say something hilarious. The other week, Miss Jean was encouraging the kids to say a prayer before they get out of bed in the morning. Very seriously, one of the boys raised his hand and with worry and confusion on his face, said "But I have bunk beds!"  She assured him it was okay, that God hears prayers from bunk beds too.

Teaching Sunday School holds so many benefits for me. It challenges me to condense spiritual concepts into teachings that 2-4 and 5-7 year olds (depending on the week) can grasp. Granted, I often feel as though I've fallen short of that task.

Have you ever tried to hold the attention of a 2-4 year old for 10 minutes, keeping them sitting and listening?
The 5-7 year olds are a little easier to teach (for me, at least).
But I find myself mentally checking what I say to them. They are so formative at that age, and the things they are hearing in Sunday School (if they're paying attention, that is) are building part of their spiritual base of knowledge.

The last thing I want them to walk out of Sunday School thinking is "if I'm good, God will love me and I'll go to heaven."  Granted, that is not a concept we ever desire to teach - salvation is based on Jesus' sacrifice and on grace. But try teaching that to a 5 year old! Sometimes it's easier than others, but it causes me to be so much more careful with my words and my examples and my applications.

And I fall short in praying about my times of teaching. I won't be able to break through to them or see what's going on in their cute little brains or if they're getting the Biblical concept I'm trying to explain to them. Only the Holy Spirit can do that and guide them into truth.

We've been working through the Bible over the past 2 years with them, using the curriculum  He Has Spoken By His Son, put out by John Piper's ministry Children Desiring God 

 The biggest challenge of late has been Jesus' crucifixion, death (this week) and resurrection (next week).

How do you teach to children what Christ endured on the cross for us? How much is too much information for these little ones? How do you explain to a 3 year old that Jesus had nails driven through His hands and feet, endured an agonizing death... to save men from eternal damnation?

And then this week... we continue to talk about death... and His burial (see Matthew 27:57-66 Luke 23:50-56  John 19:38-42 )   I really don't like talking to kids about death. I don't like making them sad and focusing on the destructive force of sin in this world. But it's truth and reality and something they will face more and more as they age. I also feel the pressure of teaching them correctly, of not mishandling the word of God.

I am thankful for a church committed to the Bible, to teaching it's whole truth. I am thankful to be teaching with other women of God who have these same desires. I am thankful to be challenged to put spiritual concepts into simpler terms for the little ones to understand. It challenges me to better understand them.

Learning to Pray and Trust

I am overwhelmed by so many things. So many things that seem so big to me, and I don't see the solution anywhere. It's easy to complain and be unsettled and worry, worry, worry. Often I forget that these things that cause me worry are good things and blessings in my life that the Lord has given to me, things that I was hoping and asking for - my job, my friends, my church family, my service at church, my health insurance, my health.

I was convicted on this while listening to one of Ginny Owens songs, Free. 
Towards the beginning of the song, she sings "bearing gifts as if they're burdens..." There are so many people in this world that don't have a fraction of the things I do. I should be ashamed when I complain about the problems I face that come with all of these gifts that have been bestowed on me.

I'm so thankful for my friend Jill's blog for her continual discipline to praise God for all of the good things (in the midst of difficult circumstances) He has put in her life.

Living a life of praise and thankfulness is a discipline, not a natural outpouring of an easy and charmed life.

It's funny - I was mentally reviewing my list of worry-causing things yesterday as I was driving home from work. I am seeking to pray more about them instead of spending my time worrying about them. It was so much easier to live worry free when I was 18, 20.... when my life was mostly void of difficult and/or complicated situations and problems.
As I try to think about all those things right now, they are refusing to coalesce into my mentally compiled list. And I'm okay with that. I don't want to review it. Again. I need to learn to entrust these things to God, to believe His word.

I Peter 5:6-7 (ESV) 

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.

Psalm 40:17

As for me, I am poor and needy, but the Lord takes thought for me. You are my help and my deliverer; do not delay, O my God!

Psalm 40:5
You have multiplied, O LORD my God, your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us; none can compare with you! I will proclaim and tell of them, yet they are more than can be told.

Oh, to live my life believing what I say I believe... it is what He intended.

What is it that I live my life for?

I have had the opportunity and privilege to sit under the teaching of the Word of God more in my 30 years than many people have in their entire life. I've read through the whole Bible, been involved in all sorts of ministries (and still am) and yet I find myself going through the motions, trying to get to the end of each day and get as much time as I can for myself... to rest, recuperate, be entertained, collect things, impress people...
It is a tireless existence often lacking joy and peace.

Every so often, I remember why I'm on this earth - to glorify God and enjoy Him forever and to make His glory known to others - and I live by that for a short while. But it quickly evaporates and I'm left in the doldrums again.

At my church, we lost a wonderful woman at the age of 50 to a heart attack. I don't like being reminded that this world, this life is temporary. I prefer to live in oblivion, not paying attention to the future and thinking that this good life I've got right now will continue on indefinitely. But what I have isn't the good life. It's filled with good things, good by most people's standards. I have a loving and supportive family, a fiance who loves me dearly, my own home, a full-time job, a car, enough money to live comfortably, dear friends (near and far), a good season of health, a church that I love and enjoy ministering in, and the list goes on.

Sometimes I think, it can't get much better than this. Soon things will start to go badly. I will lose people close to me (even though they gain heaven I will still grieve), something will happen with my job and/or I won't have enough money to pay my bills, my car will die (more money going out), my health will get worse, I will turn from God's purpose in my life to seek my own will...

When I write them out, I guess those are my biggest fears. Daniel is always telling me to stop worrying about stuff because most of it never happens. I understand that and agree with him, but I have a hard time putting it into practice.

I am afraid because my current support structure consists of those things that I am afraid of losing - people, money, comfort, friends, earthly possessions.

My dependence is not on God alone. I have allowed many things (thorn bushes, Matt 4:7) to rise up and choke out my spiritual growth. It is here that my Reformed theology starts struggling. The growth in my life is not caused by me. It is only a product of God and the Holy Spirit working in my life. My attempts at righteousness can never produce something good because I am soaked in sin.

This year in our study groups at church we studied a book, The Mortification of Sin by John Owen. It was convicting to read an approach to sin from a reformed perspective. Yes, it's God that causes the growth in our lives but we must do all that we can to ferret out the sin that tries to take hold in our lives. I fear there is much sin that has taken hold in my life, and I have just let it make it's home because it requires less energy to pursue holiness.

My pastor offers Biblical Counseling at our church and has a vision to have a counseling center one day. He asked me about pursuing certification because he thinks God's gifting in my life would lend me to minister to others in counseling. He has seen what others have seen in me before. I spent a good amount of time counseling girls during my time at Word of Life whether it was in the dorm as an RA or my summers spent in leadership at the different camps. I saw the fruit of God's word in their lives and I was blessed tremendously by using the Word of God to encourage them to obedience and submission to God and His plan for them. It was much easier for me to do it then, as I was still young and my life felt unencumbered by sin and mistakes (I also thought too much of myself).

Eleven years later, I have endured some very difficult trials. I have been broken more times than I personally felt was necessary, and I've been having a hard time picking up the pieces. Instead, I feel as though I'm waiting for the next breaking, the next sorrow, and I'm trying to make the in between times as comfortable and mindless as possible. I'm running away from life rather than living it.

Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death?
-Romans 7:24, NLT