Lent

I've never given up anything for Lent before. I can't remember what my reasons were in the past, but I decided to do something this year.

I never really had a favorite holiday growing up (it doesn't help that Christmas & Easter have always been associated with looong hours at work in the family flower business). But a year or two after I moved to Florida, I attended a Maundy Thursday service at the Baptist church we were attending... basically, it's like a Good Friday service. I don't remember what was different about that service for me - but I still remember being strongly convicted about the sinfulness of my own heart and the suffering that Christ endured to make my salvation possible.

And I remember after mourning my sin and the death and brokenness of Jesus... how joyous it was Sunday morning to go to church and celebrate the Resurrection of Christ on Easter Sunday. It was from that point that Good Friday and Easter became my favorite holidays.

If you're unfamiliar with it, Lent is the 40 days before Easter, mirroring Jesus' 40 day fast in the wilderness. It's not something that I grew up observing. It's always seemed a big part of the Catholic Church to me (especially growing up in Northern NJ).

I don't know when I started thinking differently about it, but I guess I've heard different friends over the past few years talking about Lent and what they were going to give up for Lent. (The deli in our hometown sold a lot of fish on Fridays during Lent... or was that all year round? I'm still confused on the matter).

The idea of giving something up is supposed to have different benefits for your spiritual life. When fasting from something, it serves as a reminder to you every time you think about eating that food... why you are abstaining. It reminds you of Jesus' own fast, of His journey to Calvary and His sacrifice there.

My attempt is to give up candy and to cut back my sugar intake significantly. This is fairly difficult for me, as I already eat gluten-free (I can't eat anything with wheat, rye or barley in it). I also eat limited amounts of dairy. So this leaves me with very few indulgences, and I have come to look forward to my little sugary snacks... and way too much sugar in my morning coffee.

It's something that is beneficial for me, and I'm thankful that I have the accountability of Lent as I do this. I think I realized today that the rough week I've been having health-wise (muscle aches, headache, fatigue) could possibly be sugar withdrawal... or maybe not. I have enough other stuff wrong with me that it could be something else (because I don't think I ate that much sugar... but I do find myself wanting it frequently...maybe I'm self-deceived).

I'm also thankful for the gift that my friend Jill sent. Check out this link for a picture of the gift (a wooden marker for the 40 days of Lent) and a great post on Lent at A Holy Experience. I'm thankful for the author's openness and honesty on the matter of fasting during Lent... and how she continues to fail. Giving something up for Lent is not to work towards salvation... as we cannot do anything to earn or keep our salvation.

If anything, striving for holiness and discipline in our lives will constantly remind us of how desperately we need our Savior, as we fail again and again. But that's the point. That's why the Law was given, according to Romans. Not to provide a way of salvation to mankind, but to show mankind that they could never ever fulfill the Law - no matter how hard they tried... even if they could get their outward actions to line up with the Law, their hearts were still desperately wicked.  The Law was never meant to save - but to point us to the One who could save us.

Merging Two Lives

One of the things I get from my mother is the desire to start & complete a project in the same day, no matter how big it is... for fear that if we stop working on it, we'll never start again. Inevitably, we push ourselves to exhaustion and subconsciously program ourselves to not want to start that project again -  because we were so exhausted by it the last time!

I'm thankful to be living with Daniel, with his much more logical male brain. I was a little surprised on Saturday when he came home from working a 9+ hour day and was ready to do some yard work. When I look at the yard full of leaves and bushes that need trimming and plants that need to be planted and others replanted... and compost that needs to be spread and twigs that need to be picked up... I see the whole job, and I wonder how in the world will we ever find the time to take care of this mess?

The same way you eat an elephant - one bite at a time... We put in a good hour of yard work, made a nice dent in the mountains of leaves that threaten to overtake our sidewalk and driveway. And then we went inside and relaxed a bit.


It feels that way when I look at the inside of our house also.

My stuff + his stuff + wedding presents = not enough space in our house

We are gradually wading through the items we have (when I say we - it's mostly me because I have the most stuff), deciding what is non-essential and getting rid of it in favor of having space to live in. It's so easy to hold onto items because of various attachments we have to them
- memories associated with the location we purchased it
- the person who gave it to us
- how long we've had it for
- or maybe it's that favorite zip up red sweatshirt I have that the color is fading and there are holes starting in the sleeves and I can't bear to give it away, but I also find myself hesitant to wear it because it makes me look slightly homeless (can you look slightly homeless?)

I don't want to be so attached to my stuff that it takes away from living my life. I don't want to have a home filled with items, making it difficult to keep the house clean and to have people over, to be unable to find what I know I have (possibly have at least 2 of) so I need to go out and buy another one... cluttering things up even more. I don't want to accumulate physical things. They're all so temporary. I want to live with what's essential and to be as loosely tied to this world as possible.

It forces me to approach shopping in a different way. I enjoy shopping and purchasing new items and imagining the possibilities that go along with the new items. I know that sounds a little cheesy, but if I'm honest with myself that's what I do. I see a cute shirt and think how nice it'll look on me (even though I already have plenty of nice shirts). Or there's a new pan or kitchen gadget that will help me prepare something new and different to eat (even though I could probably make it with what I already own). I remember when my cousin Beth bought a Jeep and said she was so excited about getting it, thinking - this will be great, we'll go off-roading and camping and all sort of fun outdoors stuff. With a shake of her head she said - no, it's not true. It doesn't matter what you buy - you're still the same person.

I try to remember to ask myself some questions when I'm shopping. Do I really need this? Do I have something already that can perform this task for me? Do I have space to keep this (that answer is almost always no right now!)?  Is there something I can bear to part with to make the space to have this?

Looking in my closets, you wouldn't think that I wrote this blog. Most of them are a scattered mess... but we're getting there... gradually.