I've never given up anything for Lent before. I can't remember what my reasons were in the past, but I decided to do something this year.
I never really had a favorite holiday growing up (it doesn't help that Christmas & Easter have always been associated with looong hours at work in the family flower business). But a year or two after I moved to Florida, I attended a Maundy Thursday service at the Baptist church we were attending... basically, it's like a Good Friday service. I don't remember what was different about that service for me - but I still remember being strongly convicted about the sinfulness of my own heart and the suffering that Christ endured to make my salvation possible.
And I remember after mourning my sin and the death and brokenness of Jesus... how joyous it was Sunday morning to go to church and celebrate the Resurrection of Christ on Easter Sunday. It was from that point that Good Friday and Easter became my favorite holidays.
If you're unfamiliar with it, Lent is the 40 days before Easter, mirroring Jesus' 40 day fast in the wilderness. It's not something that I grew up observing. It's always seemed a big part of the Catholic Church to me (especially growing up in Northern NJ).
I don't know when I started thinking differently about it, but I guess I've heard different friends over the past few years talking about Lent and what they were going to give up for Lent. (The deli in our hometown sold a lot of fish on Fridays during Lent... or was that all year round? I'm still confused on the matter).
The idea of giving something up is supposed to have different benefits for your spiritual life. When fasting from something, it serves as a reminder to you every time you think about eating that food... why you are abstaining. It reminds you of Jesus' own fast, of His journey to Calvary and His sacrifice there.
My attempt is to give up candy and to cut back my sugar intake significantly. This is fairly difficult for me, as I already eat gluten-free (I can't eat anything with wheat, rye or barley in it). I also eat limited amounts of dairy. So this leaves me with very few indulgences, and I have come to look forward to my little sugary snacks... and way too much sugar in my morning coffee.
It's something that is beneficial for me, and I'm thankful that I have the accountability of Lent as I do this. I think I realized today that the rough week I've been having health-wise (muscle aches, headache, fatigue) could possibly be sugar withdrawal... or maybe not. I have enough other stuff wrong with me that it could be something else (because I don't think I ate that much sugar... but I do find myself wanting it frequently...maybe I'm self-deceived).
I'm also thankful for the gift that my friend Jill sent. Check out this link for a picture of the gift (a wooden marker for the 40 days of Lent) and a great post on Lent at A Holy Experience. I'm thankful for the author's openness and honesty on the matter of fasting during Lent... and how she continues to fail. Giving something up for Lent is not to work towards salvation... as we cannot do anything to earn or keep our salvation.
If anything, striving for holiness and discipline in our lives will constantly remind us of how desperately we need our Savior, as we fail again and again. But that's the point. That's why the Law was given, according to Romans. Not to provide a way of salvation to mankind, but to show mankind that they could never ever fulfill the Law - no matter how hard they tried... even if they could get their outward actions to line up with the Law, their hearts were still desperately wicked. The Law was never meant to save - but to point us to the One who could save us.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Monday, March 7, 2011
Merging Two Lives
One of the things I get from my mother is the desire to start & complete a project in the same day, no matter how big it is... for fear that if we stop working on it, we'll never start again. Inevitably, we push ourselves to exhaustion and subconsciously program ourselves to not want to start that project again - because we were so exhausted by it the last time!
I'm thankful to be living with Daniel, with his much more logical male brain. I was a little surprised on Saturday when he came home from working a 9+ hour day and was ready to do some yard work. When I look at the yard full of leaves and bushes that need trimming and plants that need to be planted and others replanted... and compost that needs to be spread and twigs that need to be picked up... I see the whole job, and I wonder how in the world will we ever find the time to take care of this mess?
The same way you eat an elephant - one bite at a time... We put in a good hour of yard work, made a nice dent in the mountains of leaves that threaten to overtake our sidewalk and driveway. And then we went inside and relaxed a bit.
It feels that way when I look at the inside of our house also.
My stuff + his stuff + wedding presents = not enough space in our house
We are gradually wading through the items we have (when I say we - it's mostly me because I have the most stuff), deciding what is non-essential and getting rid of it in favor of having space to live in. It's so easy to hold onto items because of various attachments we have to them
- memories associated with the location we purchased it
- the person who gave it to us
- how long we've had it for
- or maybe it's that favorite zip up red sweatshirt I have that the color is fading and there are holes starting in the sleeves and I can't bear to give it away, but I also find myself hesitant to wear it because it makes me look slightly homeless (can you look slightly homeless?)
I don't want to be so attached to my stuff that it takes away from living my life. I don't want to have a home filled with items, making it difficult to keep the house clean and to have people over, to be unable to find what I know I have (possibly have at least 2 of) so I need to go out and buy another one... cluttering things up even more. I don't want to accumulate physical things. They're all so temporary. I want to live with what's essential and to be as loosely tied to this world as possible.
It forces me to approach shopping in a different way. I enjoy shopping and purchasing new items and imagining the possibilities that go along with the new items. I know that sounds a little cheesy, but if I'm honest with myself that's what I do. I see a cute shirt and think how nice it'll look on me (even though I already have plenty of nice shirts). Or there's a new pan or kitchen gadget that will help me prepare something new and different to eat (even though I could probably make it with what I already own). I remember when my cousin Beth bought a Jeep and said she was so excited about getting it, thinking - this will be great, we'll go off-roading and camping and all sort of fun outdoors stuff. With a shake of her head she said - no, it's not true. It doesn't matter what you buy - you're still the same person.
I try to remember to ask myself some questions when I'm shopping. Do I really need this? Do I have something already that can perform this task for me? Do I have space to keep this (that answer is almost always no right now!)? Is there something I can bear to part with to make the space to have this?
Looking in my closets, you wouldn't think that I wrote this blog. Most of them are a scattered mess... but we're getting there... gradually.
I'm thankful to be living with Daniel, with his much more logical male brain. I was a little surprised on Saturday when he came home from working a 9+ hour day and was ready to do some yard work. When I look at the yard full of leaves and bushes that need trimming and plants that need to be planted and others replanted... and compost that needs to be spread and twigs that need to be picked up... I see the whole job, and I wonder how in the world will we ever find the time to take care of this mess?
The same way you eat an elephant - one bite at a time... We put in a good hour of yard work, made a nice dent in the mountains of leaves that threaten to overtake our sidewalk and driveway. And then we went inside and relaxed a bit.
It feels that way when I look at the inside of our house also.
My stuff + his stuff + wedding presents = not enough space in our house
We are gradually wading through the items we have (when I say we - it's mostly me because I have the most stuff), deciding what is non-essential and getting rid of it in favor of having space to live in. It's so easy to hold onto items because of various attachments we have to them
- memories associated with the location we purchased it
- the person who gave it to us
- how long we've had it for
- or maybe it's that favorite zip up red sweatshirt I have that the color is fading and there are holes starting in the sleeves and I can't bear to give it away, but I also find myself hesitant to wear it because it makes me look slightly homeless (can you look slightly homeless?)
I don't want to be so attached to my stuff that it takes away from living my life. I don't want to have a home filled with items, making it difficult to keep the house clean and to have people over, to be unable to find what I know I have (possibly have at least 2 of) so I need to go out and buy another one... cluttering things up even more. I don't want to accumulate physical things. They're all so temporary. I want to live with what's essential and to be as loosely tied to this world as possible.
It forces me to approach shopping in a different way. I enjoy shopping and purchasing new items and imagining the possibilities that go along with the new items. I know that sounds a little cheesy, but if I'm honest with myself that's what I do. I see a cute shirt and think how nice it'll look on me (even though I already have plenty of nice shirts). Or there's a new pan or kitchen gadget that will help me prepare something new and different to eat (even though I could probably make it with what I already own). I remember when my cousin Beth bought a Jeep and said she was so excited about getting it, thinking - this will be great, we'll go off-roading and camping and all sort of fun outdoors stuff. With a shake of her head she said - no, it's not true. It doesn't matter what you buy - you're still the same person.
I try to remember to ask myself some questions when I'm shopping. Do I really need this? Do I have something already that can perform this task for me? Do I have space to keep this (that answer is almost always no right now!)? Is there something I can bear to part with to make the space to have this?
Looking in my closets, you wouldn't think that I wrote this blog. Most of them are a scattered mess... but we're getting there... gradually.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Teaching about Jesus' Burial to 2-4 year olds
I love kids. I find them generous with their love and forgiveness and highly entertaining. I feel like every week they do or say something hilarious. The other week, Miss Jean was encouraging the kids to say a prayer before they get out of bed in the morning. Very seriously, one of the boys raised his hand and with worry and confusion on his face, said "But I have bunk beds!" She assured him it was okay, that God hears prayers from bunk beds too.
Teaching Sunday School holds so many benefits for me. It challenges me to condense spiritual concepts into teachings that 2-4 and 5-7 year olds (depending on the week) can grasp. Granted, I often feel as though I've fallen short of that task.
Have you ever tried to hold the attention of a 2-4 year old for 10 minutes, keeping them sitting and listening?
The 5-7 year olds are a little easier to teach (for me, at least).
But I find myself mentally checking what I say to them. They are so formative at that age, and the things they are hearing in Sunday School (if they're paying attention, that is) are building part of their spiritual base of knowledge.
The last thing I want them to walk out of Sunday School thinking is "if I'm good, God will love me and I'll go to heaven." Granted, that is not a concept we ever desire to teach - salvation is based on Jesus' sacrifice and on grace. But try teaching that to a 5 year old! Sometimes it's easier than others, but it causes me to be so much more careful with my words and my examples and my applications.
And I fall short in praying about my times of teaching. I won't be able to break through to them or see what's going on in their cute little brains or if they're getting the Biblical concept I'm trying to explain to them. Only the Holy Spirit can do that and guide them into truth.
We've been working through the Bible over the past 2 years with them, using the curriculum He Has Spoken By His Son, put out by John Piper's ministry Children Desiring God
The biggest challenge of late has been Jesus' crucifixion, death (this week) and resurrection (next week).
How do you teach to children what Christ endured on the cross for us? How much is too much information for these little ones? How do you explain to a 3 year old that Jesus had nails driven through His hands and feet, endured an agonizing death... to save men from eternal damnation?
And then this week... we continue to talk about death... and His burial (see Matthew 27:57-66 Luke 23:50-56 John 19:38-42 ) I really don't like talking to kids about death. I don't like making them sad and focusing on the destructive force of sin in this world. But it's truth and reality and something they will face more and more as they age. I also feel the pressure of teaching them correctly, of not mishandling the word of God.
I am thankful for a church committed to the Bible, to teaching it's whole truth. I am thankful to be teaching with other women of God who have these same desires. I am thankful to be challenged to put spiritual concepts into simpler terms for the little ones to understand. It challenges me to better understand them.
Teaching Sunday School holds so many benefits for me. It challenges me to condense spiritual concepts into teachings that 2-4 and 5-7 year olds (depending on the week) can grasp. Granted, I often feel as though I've fallen short of that task.
Have you ever tried to hold the attention of a 2-4 year old for 10 minutes, keeping them sitting and listening?
The 5-7 year olds are a little easier to teach (for me, at least).
But I find myself mentally checking what I say to them. They are so formative at that age, and the things they are hearing in Sunday School (if they're paying attention, that is) are building part of their spiritual base of knowledge.
The last thing I want them to walk out of Sunday School thinking is "if I'm good, God will love me and I'll go to heaven." Granted, that is not a concept we ever desire to teach - salvation is based on Jesus' sacrifice and on grace. But try teaching that to a 5 year old! Sometimes it's easier than others, but it causes me to be so much more careful with my words and my examples and my applications.
And I fall short in praying about my times of teaching. I won't be able to break through to them or see what's going on in their cute little brains or if they're getting the Biblical concept I'm trying to explain to them. Only the Holy Spirit can do that and guide them into truth.
We've been working through the Bible over the past 2 years with them, using the curriculum He Has Spoken By His Son, put out by John Piper's ministry Children Desiring God
The biggest challenge of late has been Jesus' crucifixion, death (this week) and resurrection (next week).
How do you teach to children what Christ endured on the cross for us? How much is too much information for these little ones? How do you explain to a 3 year old that Jesus had nails driven through His hands and feet, endured an agonizing death... to save men from eternal damnation?
And then this week... we continue to talk about death... and His burial (see Matthew 27:57-66 Luke 23:50-56 John 19:38-42 ) I really don't like talking to kids about death. I don't like making them sad and focusing on the destructive force of sin in this world. But it's truth and reality and something they will face more and more as they age. I also feel the pressure of teaching them correctly, of not mishandling the word of God.
I am thankful for a church committed to the Bible, to teaching it's whole truth. I am thankful to be teaching with other women of God who have these same desires. I am thankful to be challenged to put spiritual concepts into simpler terms for the little ones to understand. It challenges me to better understand them.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Learning to Pray and Trust
I am overwhelmed by so many things. So many things that seem so big to me, and I don't see the solution anywhere. It's easy to complain and be unsettled and worry, worry, worry. Often I forget that these things that cause me worry are good things and blessings in my life that the Lord has given to me, things that I was hoping and asking for - my job, my friends, my church family, my service at church, my health insurance, my health.
I was convicted on this while listening to one of Ginny Owens songs, Free.
Towards the beginning of the song, she sings "bearing gifts as if they're burdens..." There are so many people in this world that don't have a fraction of the things I do. I should be ashamed when I complain about the problems I face that come with all of these gifts that have been bestowed on me.
I'm so thankful for my friend Jill's blog for her continual discipline to praise God for all of the good things (in the midst of difficult circumstances) He has put in her life.
Living a life of praise and thankfulness is a discipline, not a natural outpouring of an easy and charmed life.
It's funny - I was mentally reviewing my list of worry-causing things yesterday as I was driving home from work. I am seeking to pray more about them instead of spending my time worrying about them. It was so much easier to live worry free when I was 18, 20.... when my life was mostly void of difficult and/or complicated situations and problems.
As I try to think about all those things right now, they are refusing to coalesce into my mentally compiled list. And I'm okay with that. I don't want to review it. Again. I need to learn to entrust these things to God, to believe His word.
Psalm 40:5
You have multiplied, O LORD my God, your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us; none can compare with you! I will proclaim and tell of them, yet they are more than can be told.
Oh, to live my life believing what I say I believe... it is what He intended.
I was convicted on this while listening to one of Ginny Owens songs, Free.
Towards the beginning of the song, she sings "bearing gifts as if they're burdens..." There are so many people in this world that don't have a fraction of the things I do. I should be ashamed when I complain about the problems I face that come with all of these gifts that have been bestowed on me.
I'm so thankful for my friend Jill's blog for her continual discipline to praise God for all of the good things (in the midst of difficult circumstances) He has put in her life.
Living a life of praise and thankfulness is a discipline, not a natural outpouring of an easy and charmed life.
It's funny - I was mentally reviewing my list of worry-causing things yesterday as I was driving home from work. I am seeking to pray more about them instead of spending my time worrying about them. It was so much easier to live worry free when I was 18, 20.... when my life was mostly void of difficult and/or complicated situations and problems.
As I try to think about all those things right now, they are refusing to coalesce into my mentally compiled list. And I'm okay with that. I don't want to review it. Again. I need to learn to entrust these things to God, to believe His word.
I Peter 5:6-7 (ESV)
Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.Psalm 40:17
As for me, I am poor and needy, but the Lord takes thought for me. You are my help and my deliverer; do not delay, O my God!
You have multiplied, O LORD my God, your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us; none can compare with you! I will proclaim and tell of them, yet they are more than can be told.
Oh, to live my life believing what I say I believe... it is what He intended.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
On Changing My Name - Phase #2
After the trip to the Social Security Office, it's been fairly smooth sailing.
One trip to the Tag Agency (aka DMV for the non-Floridians) for a new license. Done.
I went after work, and the wait was over an hour. So I got my ticket, went home (I live conveniently close by), put in the chicken for dinner, went back and waited for about 15 minutes til my number was called. Not too shabby. I even got a nice guy that asked if I wanted to update my voter registration at the same time... 2 birds with 1 stone.
I was hoping that they would take a new picture of me for the license, even though I just had it updated within the last year. The reason I had to have it updated... argh, it makes me angry to think about it. Long story short, I needed to have the corrective lenses restriction removed from my license (because I had Lasik!!...5 years ago - oops, slight oversight). Unfortunately, the whole incedent also required 2 court cases to get my CRIMINAL charge dropped because of the ticket (okay - not really a ticket. I couldn't just pay a fine and get out of it. I had to go to court) I got because I was driving without my (unnecessary) corrective lenses. Needless to say, my driver's license picture that day looked like one of the pictures they air on the news when someone has committed an awful crime, and they look for the worst, meanest looking picture possible of you to show to the condemning public.
My new picture is much nicer - no uni-bomber or child-killer picture for me.
Credit cards are way easier to do - just a phone call or a secure email does the trick.
A trip to my bank with my marriage licenses will take care of them.
And then it's all of the other random places I'll forget that I need to change my name at. I guess I'll figure out what they are as time goes by.
Next stops - combined insurance? combined bank account? budgeting???
Oh, and I really need to practice signing my new name - I'm having a hard time getting all the letters in there!
One trip to the Tag Agency (aka DMV for the non-Floridians) for a new license. Done.
I went after work, and the wait was over an hour. So I got my ticket, went home (I live conveniently close by), put in the chicken for dinner, went back and waited for about 15 minutes til my number was called. Not too shabby. I even got a nice guy that asked if I wanted to update my voter registration at the same time... 2 birds with 1 stone.
I was hoping that they would take a new picture of me for the license, even though I just had it updated within the last year. The reason I had to have it updated... argh, it makes me angry to think about it. Long story short, I needed to have the corrective lenses restriction removed from my license (because I had Lasik!!...5 years ago - oops, slight oversight). Unfortunately, the whole incedent also required 2 court cases to get my CRIMINAL charge dropped because of the ticket (okay - not really a ticket. I couldn't just pay a fine and get out of it. I had to go to court) I got because I was driving without my (unnecessary) corrective lenses. Needless to say, my driver's license picture that day looked like one of the pictures they air on the news when someone has committed an awful crime, and they look for the worst, meanest looking picture possible of you to show to the condemning public.
My new picture is much nicer - no uni-bomber or child-killer picture for me.
Credit cards are way easier to do - just a phone call or a secure email does the trick.
A trip to my bank with my marriage licenses will take care of them.
And then it's all of the other random places I'll forget that I need to change my name at. I guess I'll figure out what they are as time goes by.
Next stops - combined insurance? combined bank account? budgeting???
Oh, and I really need to practice signing my new name - I'm having a hard time getting all the letters in there!
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